she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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