i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
