I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The adults are the big ones right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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