I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
