We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
