i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize