Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
