i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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