She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
