then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
