if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
