i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
