who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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