at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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