Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
