Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize