I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
