how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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