Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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