I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
