We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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