loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
