Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
