Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
