What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
