I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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