I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize