I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
