I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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