In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
