if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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