I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize