Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
