Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
