and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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