omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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