After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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