Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
