no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
