You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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