tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
