Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
