2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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