he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Please don't give away my fajitas
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize