he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
