Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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