nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
