I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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