no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
