I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
