I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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