I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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