I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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