tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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