Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
