Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
