Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
