Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize