Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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