we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
