Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
