It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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