I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
