My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
