Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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