Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
