Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
