If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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