he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
