DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
