Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
