i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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