Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.

(1-501): View more from Arkansas

bonus

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(804): View more from Virginia

he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

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(530): View more from California

regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.

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(714): View more from California

Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?

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(510): View more from California

Will exercising make me less horny?

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