at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
