I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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