fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I could have mohawked her pubes.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
