I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
there is puke in my bra ... again
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