You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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