I want to stick my p in your. b.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
