Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
