I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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