so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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