Got a toothbrush?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize