i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
