The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
