I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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