I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
