And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
