just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
