You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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