Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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