I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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