Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
