apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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