you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
